While I was waiting during Dillan's MRI I typed some random thoughts. I have been told my strength has been amazing throughout all of this journey and while I am a strong person even strong people have their moments...
Dillan is getting his MRI and he wanted Tim with him. I've sat with him for all but two. I walked to patient services for something and started filling up with tears...what in the world?!? Sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks that I have a child with brain cancer. Yes, it's the best kind of brain cancer you can have BUT it's still brain cancer! I'll never not be the mom of a child who had brain cancer. Then I feel ashamed and guilt sets in because we know so many others whose children have endured so much more and they have been through so much more than we have...how can I have a pity party knowing their battles?!? I wonder if it's like survivors guilt. I know our cancer friends are extremely happy Dillan has done so well and has the diagnosis he has but I think if I were in their shoes I might wonder why Lord couldn't my child be in that situation, too. It leaves me brokenhearted for them and wondering why... My God accomplishes amazing things so I do not understand why cancer even exists! I believe with all my heart He has a reason for EVERYTHING in this world and one day I hope He sheds light on why cancer exists.
Amen! I feel the same way regarding Connor's diagnosis of Pachygyria. I also HATE that my phone automatically adds the words Pachygyria & Lissencephaly when I start typing them. :( Always praying for you guys!
ReplyDeleteAstrocytoma and Ependymoma auto-correct on my phone :(
ReplyDeleteYou guys are in my prayers as well.